For Every Parent Who’s Ever Said, ‘I’ll Rest When Everyone’s Okay…'

The 5 Compassion Points to Help You Stop Waiting for Permission to Breathe

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You know that moment when you realize your nervous system has been living in fight, flight, fawn, or freeze for approximately… ever? Yeah. Hi, that’s me. I’m Mrs. Parker — mom, teacher, and lifelong member of the “I’ll Rest When Everyone Else Is Okay” club. Except here’s the thing: no one ever actually is okay all at the same time. Which means, in theory, I’d never rest. And that’s exactly what happened. I kept pushing, fixing, caretaking, solving — until my body finally said, “Nope,” and I ended up in the hospital. My body didn’t need another to-do list. It needed permission to pause. Except… who was I waiting for to give it?

Permission to Pause

You don’t have to earn your rest. Rest is not a reward. I used to think I could only relax when everything was done — the laundry folded, the emails answered, the child thriving, the dog walked, the world healed. Spoiler alert: that list never ends. So now, I pause mid-chaos. I breathe even when things are unfinished. Because if I’m gone, I’m no good to anyone else. And that’s true for you too.

Permission to Feel

Parents, we’re emotional contortionists. We twist ourselves into pretzels trying to stay strong, grateful, positive, and calm — all while quietly breaking inside. You don’t have to bypass your feelings to be a good parent. You just have to let them move through you. Cry, yell into a pillow, dance it out, scribble your feelings in a notebook — whatever it takes. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a human one.

Permission to Receive

This one’s hard. Especially for those of us wired as caretakers. We’re the givers, the fixers, the ones with snacks, solutions, and sanitizer. But receiving — help, love, kindness, support — is not weakness. It’s reciprocity. It’s balance. When someone says, “Can I help?” let them. You’re not a burden. You’re a person who deserves care, too.

Permission to Release

I used to think being selfless meant controlling every emotional fire in the house. If I could keep everyone else calm, I’d done my job. Except — that’s not compassion; it’s control in disguise. I can’t regulate other people’s emotions for them. I can only hold space while they figure it out. My daughter’s journey has taught me that in ways I never expected. I can love her fiercely, guide her, and hold her hand — but I can’t bubble-wrap her from life. Releasing control has been the most loving (and terrifying) thing I’ve ever done.

Permission to Be

No performing. No proving. No pretending you’re “fine.” Just be. Some days, “being” looks like a brave face and coffee. Other days, it’s a cry in the car in the parking lot of Trader Joe's

, a walk with the dog, or a deep exhale on the couch. Whatever your “being” looks like today — it’s enough. You’re enough. Parenting is not linear. Life is not linear. There are mountaintops and valleys, and sometimes we pitch a tent in the mud. But you’re not alone there. If you’ve ever felt like the caretaker, the peacekeeper, the emotional first responder — this is your permission slip. You don’t need anyone else to sign it. Take a breath. Unclench your jaw. Let your nervous system know it’s safe to relax. You’re not a martyr. You’re a human being doing sacred, exhausting, beautiful work. And you have a tribe out here — me included — who gets it, who sees you, and who’s walking right beside you when life gets way too lifey. From one tired parent to another — you don’t need permission to breathe. Just begin.

About the Author Ronette “Mrs. Parker” is a special education teacher, mom, and creator of Whimsy & Wonder — a space for mindful, trauma-informed tools that help kids and parents breathe a little easier. She believes learning and healing both begin with safety, connection, and compassion — for ourselves first.

© 2025 Whimsy & Wonder with Mrs. Parker

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